Fierce
by our dancing days
Summary: "It is hours later, after nobody comes to find her, when Madam Pince gently - shockingly - removes the book from Lily's loose fingertips and whispers in her ear for her to go to her dormitory now. Lily nods, and walks away, and Madam Pince feels a hint of regret, because children should be allowed to mourn." / Lily Evans reflects.


**13 times in Lily Evans's life where her heart is fragile, **or, **Fierce. **

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**1.** At the tender age of seven, she is swinging on the swing and suddenly she is _flying _through the air, and she thinks, '_I can sing with the birds if I want.' _Petunia calls her down and she floats to her sister's side.

"That's not natural." Lily, for the first time in over seven years, doesn't really know what to say.

She is magic - like the princess straight out of a fairytale. She can hurt Tuney, if she so wishes to, but she won't, because Petunia Evans is just as fragile as her sister and Lily will not be the one to break her.

**2.** Lily is just ten, and Severus Snape from Spinnet End is smiling at her, telling her that they could do anything; go anywhere. She tells him "_Tuney's waiting, Sev, and she's more important." _She doesn't mean it harshly, just that her sister has her book and she can still see Sev tomorrow, right? Severus' broken smile makes Lily's own fade.

And maybe that's the moment Snape thinks of when he firsts joins the Death Eaters, or maybe when he first leaves them. We don't know; neither does Lily.

**3.** She opens a handwritten letter and the light dawns in her eyes and her parents look so happy. _Hogwarts. _She knows that all Tuney can think is, _so she _can _fly. _And Lily is sorry.

Because she _is _magic, and it's not just a fairytale anymore. She's going to learn the _real _magic tricks rather than the little plastic pretend ones Petunia performs with.

**4.** Lily is waiting at the station and all she can hear is _freakfreakfreak... _and she so desperately wants to cry, but that means she's _weak, _and Lily Evans is not weak. At least, not on the outside. Her heart is a different matter altogether.

But she is fragile, in a way, and so is tender and hurtful to the boys who taunt poor Severus Snape.

**5.** Professor Dumbledore stands at his podium and addresses the school, but Lily feels as if his blue eyes and half moon spectacles are trained wholly on her.

She blinks up at the white haired man and has to excuse herself, stumbling through the Great Hall doors and ignoring the confused and gossiping mutters of the other students.

"_The Ministry has instructed that I do not tell you this; but we are in a war, and some rules must be broken. Muggleborns and their families are being targeted, but I wish only for you to know that you're not alone..."_

But she is, she is.

**6.** Lily is in the middle of slapping an arrogant brat by the name of James Potter when she almost cries. She _likes _him. She _likes _him likes him. And _yesyesyes... _is dancing through her mind, and she ignores it.

She tells herself that it's because Mary, innocent glorious Mary, fancies him. Because Mary is sweet, and Mary is smart, and Mary is strong, and Lily so wants to be like her.

But Lily Evans is no saint and she's prouder than any Virgin Mary.

**7.** She's simply in the library. There's a book open in front of her, and Lily is crying onto the worn down pages.

"_It is, at this current time, prohibited to perform wards in or on any Muggle area..." _

It is hours later, after nobody comes to find her, when Madam Pince gently - shockingly - removes the book from Lily's loose fingertips and whispers in her ear for her to go to her dormitory now. Lily nods, and walks away, and Madam Pince feels a hint of regret, because children should be allowed to mourn.

**8.** Lily hears the words ringing in her mind. _Mudbloodmudbloodmudblood... "How could you, Sev?" _

But she's goddamn Lily Evans and if anything, she's learnt to cross her arms and pull that red-headed fierceness to the surface, like her mother taught her. Even if her red-tinged heart is breaking.

And she's fragile, stuck together with tape and Spellotape and scissors and glue, and this is just a crack in her broken masterpiece. Severus hasn't broken her yet, because she was broken long before he got to her.

**9.** She's in the middle of kissing a beautiful boy by the name of James Potter. She _likes _him likes him. Lily may even _love _him. And _nonono... _is dancing through her mind. She's too young. She's too breakable.

But _yes _is so much easier to say than _sorry._

**10**. Calm, docile Remus stands boldly in front of her, his eyes flashing and furious, and for the first time, Lily can see the wolf behind his gaze. And it petrifies her, leaves her breathless and unable to move.

"_Lily... I love you, like a sister. But, I swear to God, Merlin and _Gandalf _if I have to, if you hurt James, if you break his heart, I won't forgive you." _

The speech is pretty, and practised, and Lily knows that calm, docile Remus doesn't mean a word of it.

11. Lily is in this perfect white wedding dress with her hair coiled around her porcelain face. She's well aware that she's the belle of the ball. But she's scanning the crowds and it's far too obvious that there's an empty seat where _he _should be, his name place sitting proudly on the table.

_Mudbloodmudbloodmudblood... "How could you not, Sev?" _But it's her wedding day, and Merlin be damned if she's doesn't make it last.

And she is beautiful, and who cares if Petunia and her husband just left righteously, and who cares if her childhood best friend is not here?

This is Lily Potter's day, and she hasn't had one of those in a while.

12. She holds her baby boy tightly in her arms and it seems all too obvious that Padfoot and Moony are in different rooms and that Wormy never does seem to make an appearance these days.

Even James, her darling ignorant James, has noticed. But they're trapped here, and there's not much else they can do but sing Harry Muggle lullabies at night and hope for the best.

13. Harry is giggling into Lily's dress and James is performing magic tricks with his wand. There are two pictures on the mantle, a magical one of James' other-worldly parents and an ordinary muggle one of Lily's ordinary muggle parents. The world seems so very empty.

She is swinging on a swing and suddenly she is falling, _falling, _through the air and she's thinking, _well, I sang with the birds while I could. _Lily Evans has a penchant for being melodramatic, she supposes.

The heart, however proud and fierce, is a fragile thing.

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Review?~


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